That is the best word for the emotions shared between us today.. Today, I am officially moved out of his house...
Today, I tried to play happy and nice and what I got in return was cold and bitterness... I didn't do this to us, he did.... I did everything I possibly could to make the best of an uncomfortable but workable situation, he gave up before he even gave it a chance... The excuse he has been telling everyone on why we are no longer together is that I moved away and we grew apart... That is a lie; it has only been a month. The reason we are no longer together is because he gave up on me and didn't love me the way he said he should after three years... at least that's what I heard from his mouth. I even respected his decision because if that's how he feels then I can't do anything to change that. I've tried.
Today, I felt like a stranger to him. I felt like the last three years were nothing to him. He made me feel like had done something wrong, like I was the one who broke his heart. He has told me so many conflicting things that I don't even know what to believe anymore. First, he tells me he loves me more than I could ever know. Then, he tells me I was the one who ruined our perfect life we were planning. Now, he tells me he has never felt a spark with me and has tried to force himself to for three years because he knows he should feel that way about me... I know I should feel relieved he is no longer my concern but how do you go from loving someone so much to acting like you don't give a shit about them?
Today, he made me feel like nothing better than the dirt on the ground. His goodbye words were thanks for everything... I've given everything I had and everything I was for a fleeting smile, a hug, and thanks for everything.... I really don't know what I expected from today or why I'm so upset now when I have been fine all week. I guess I expected him to be humble and apologetic but he was arrogant and pissy. To make myself feel better, I will believe that is his defense system but in all honesty, TODAY SUCKED! I am just hurt to know I have spent three years with someone who today made me feel like a stranger. I just want this nightmare to end. God, please send me someone who won't take back their "I love you". Twice this has happened to me by someone I spent years trying to please, and I can't do it again.
- ► 2010 (20)