Have you ever taken days off for no reason? I did that this week and took Thursday and Friday off to give myself a four day weekend. It was fantastic! Thursday was fun because I spent most of the day cooking. I have been doing more cooking lately. I think I am finally accepting that I live here now. I have found more of a drive to unpack and have started to want to cook and create a home again.. I might have underestimated the level of hurt I was unable to deal with these past eight months. I am healing though and learning how to live on my own and live for myself again. Even now, that sounds so selfish to me. I have never been a person to live for myself. I have always lived for others: my sister, my close friends, and my boyfriends.
This is the opposite of most people. Most people first learn how to live for themselves and then how to live for someone else. I have always been strange in that I would rather do something to better someone else's life than to better my own. I live through them. When they are happy, I am happy; when they hurt, I hurt. This might seem like a good thing to some but it is so unpredictable being so dependent on someone else. I have started to take control of my own happiness. It's harder than I imagined but I know it will be worth it and I will become a better person for it. It's not like I want to become fully self-centered. I just need to learn how to make myself happy and be self-sufficient before I let myself fall for anyone else. So when I do fall for a man, I am able to be myself because I will be able to recognize who that is.
ANYWAYS...:) Thursday was fun because I spent the whole day making soup and homemade bread. It was the perfect day for it because St. Louis got around four inches of powder fine snow dumped on us! I LOVE SNOW DAYS!! I spent the morning shoveling the driveway and then the afternoon was full of chopping and cooking. I did manage to squeeze a movie and some Food Network in thanks to our new 60 inch Plasma TV that I can see quite clearly from the kitchen. Its AMAZING!
Friday, I ran some errands in the morning and relaxed all afternoon. Then, I went out to South County in the evening to spend some time with Katie. We had fun relaxing and talking while having some beers. I felt like I was in college again...it was nice:)
Saturday, I was a bum and spent most of the day watching TV in bed and when I finally decided to get up mid afternoon, I went to get my car fixed with Dad and rented some movies.
Today was church and learning Lightroom from a friend at church. I am learning how to edit all of my awesome photos! Hopefully, when it gets warmer I can put all of my new knowledge to good use and really get into my photography. I am hoping to be able to get a wide-angle lens before we leave for Honduras in June. I will be able to get some amazing landscape photos with a wider lens.
Tomorrow, I'll be entering another photo contest with a picture I took of my sister on Christmas day... I can't wait and hope I win!
Ok, so I realize that this post is super old but I'm sort of stalking your blog right now and this one really spoke to me. I do the exact same thing of living through other people's happiness. I love to help people and just talk to them and care for them and if the person I've "chosen" at that particular point in my life is happy, I'm happy. And if they're not happy... or if I realize that they don't NEED me in order to be happy... well then I'm upset. And it really does suck to rely on someone else for that because you're totally out of control. This is something I'm working on as well, just being happy that I'm myself. So anyway. I feel ya.
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