Friday, August 7, 2009

My Heart Hurts...

Today was an interesting day.. I woke up early because I went to bed early last night. I woke up to a text from someone special I have been trying to talk to but he always seems to be busy.. Stating simply "goodnight". Not sure where these random texts come from but it sure is a happy way to wake up. Kinda makes me feel like he was thinking about me.. Then again, I never get a text back when I actually text him so... who knows... all I really do know is I just recently realized how much I hate being single and how much I really do want to be loved. I mean I always knew how much I loved that feeling but until tonight and watching that movie... UH! If you are single and don't want to realize how painfully single you are DO NOT go watch The Proposal. Such a cute movie but man! I want to fall in love and have them fall for me too... I am ready. (Ryan Reynolds if you are out there and for some reason reading my blog... Come find me. I'll Say YES!!! lol... He is so freaking funny and SEXY!.. that's the best combination)

I know I whine a lot about how lonely I am but until tonight I didn't actually feel that bad as of recent. It just keeps hitting me in waves. I am a beautiful girl. I guess I have to start running so I can get that Sandra Bullock body but my extra cushioning is really the only thing that is wrong with me. I am beautiful, strong, nurturing, caring, giving, and surprising. I actually believe all of this now which I guess is what I have all of my past relationships to thank for. I am so tired of being alone and do NOT want to fool around with random guys to fill the void for one night. I am NOT that kind of girl nor do I want to become that kind of girl. I am the same good girl I have always been with a little experience in real life now. I know what love is and how it is supposed to feel. I am fully capable of loving with my entire heart and not only a portion until I am ready to move on. I am tired of moving on. I am ready to have the love of my life find me. Love is not a story solely for the movies. I know he is out there wanting me to. He just hasn't found me yet. So I am saying, I am here and waiting. I am ready whenever you are to take that leap of faith. And when you are ready, my arms are open wide to be your comfort and shelter. I'm not intense and crazy but I have an unending, unconditional love and when I give my heart the next time it will be the last.
I know this is a little intense and silly but I am tired of hurting and feeling sorry for myself. This isn't a plea but a promise. I am ready to fall hard into love for the last time and I won't hit rock bottom this time, because he will be there to catch me.