Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Uncertainty


I don't really know what to talk about today.. I have such mixed feelings about a lot of things right now. I don't like being single, but I know God is making this time for me so I can get my life in order. I gained all of the weight I had lost before my trip because of the stress of my Pappy passing and just being on vacation and indulging a little too much. I am back at square one. No big deal but I want it all to be gone now.

I also realized that I don't really like this online dating thing. I have tried it for about three months now and I just don't think its my thing. I like meeting new people but I feel like when we do meet in person it is too awkward and there are so many expectations for it to work as well as it did online and on the phone that when it doesn't it is a big let down. I think meeting in person as friends first and using email and instant message as a way of getting closer is what really works for me. Don't get me wrong, I have met some really amazing guys, I just prefer to be friends first in person.

I did reconnect with this really awesome guy that I met in middle school online. He lives really far away right now though. The crazy part about it is I know how great a relationship with him would be because we have talked throughout the years about how perfect we are for each other but the timing has never been right. I hope that in the future we might grow closer but that is for God to see. Until then, I guess I have to be patient and work on getting myself to where I want to be.

I really hate being alone but I know it is the way I should be right now. In relationships, I tend to forget about my needs and priorities and focus on him. So before I fall again, I need to work on my finances and my physical self.

I think that is enough babble for tonight...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Whirl wind trip















I am finally back from the East coast. Such an unexpected change of events while I was there. We left on Thursday and followed my parents in the car on the really really really long drive to Maryland. We arrived at my Uncle Sid's house around midnight and crashed. Friday morning, my pappy went into the emergency room and so we went there to see him. He was "smaller" and weaker than I had ever seen him. We spent some time with him and then had to leave to go to my cousin's wedding. Matthew and Heather were married and had one of the most unique ceremonies I had ever seen. Just lots of little personal touches made it a memorable occasion. On Saturday, we woke up and went to the hospital to see my pappy again. He was even more weak than on Friday. We hung out there for a while and visited with the numerous family members who came and went from the hospital. On Sunday, my sister and I woke up and left for Bethany Beach, DE. We spent Sunday in the hotel room recovering from the crazy weekend. Monday and Tuesday we went to the beach and to the pool. What a great sister trip. We needed it.

On Tuesday, we received the call that my pappy was gone. He is now dancing in heaven with my grandma. He is no longer in pain. It is so strange to miss someone but be happy they are gone for their own good. I love my grandparents and feel a huge absence in my life now that they are in heaven but I know they are happy and waiting for the day the rest of us join them. They weren't perfect but they lived their life for God and taught our family how to be good people. I come from a long line of great people.

I think that is why it has been so hard for me to find a great man.. because I have such great examples of men that I have a hard time finding a great man to measure up. I don't need a perfect man but I do want a man who is a man. I had such a great time this past week despite the bad circumstances. I don't get the opportunity to spend time with my family very often so when I get to see them twice in the same week, I savor it.

I will end this with some pictures from my trip...

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