Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Usually, the word overwhelmed has a bad connotation, but right now, this word best describes everything amazing and good that is going on in my life right now. If I were looking in at my life from someone else's point of view, I would probably think I was crazy for not feeling something other than joy.  I have so much going on that could scare me and shut me down.  I never imagined I would be this blessed all at once.

I start back to school in January for a career that I pray I will be able to master. I am afraid I will not be able to overcome passing out at the sight of a bad injury/blood. I am afraid I will waste more money and time in school and not be able to excel.  Even though I am afraid of all of these things, I am still EXCITED about going back to school to learn how to care for the sick.

In January, I will also be learning a new job. Our team will be under a new segment and this is both scary and exciting as well. This new segment offers a LOT of new potential for growth.  If things work out like I hope, I will be starting school as well as starting a new job. I hope this will mean a significant raise as well.

Saving the best for last.... I am completely, head over heels in love. I am unable to comprehend how this has happened so fast and it should scare me.  I have never felt so comfortable being myself with someone. This man loves me for me and that completely amazes me.  All of my life, I have been holding a mask for each man I have dated.  I have molded myself to be what they need. I sacrificed what I needed to make them happy and I have been hurt and have hurt myself in the process.

Dustin is completely different.

We accept each other exactly as we are. He is passionate and caring.  Best of all, he has a great love for God that I have been searching for in a man. He holds me accountable and I support him. All of my friends are probably sick of hearing about him, because I can not express enough how happy I am.  I just pray now that God will continue to show us His will for our lives and help us follow the path He has laid out for us.

With all of these things going on in my life, I am completely overwhelmed. God does not want us to become comfortable but to constantly be challenged because as long as we are challenged, we are growing.  I am so thankful God has let me find this place where I am challenged and insanely happy at the same time.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


The past two months have been so busy and I thought after October my life would slow down a little but it seems to be picking up speed.  Between work, my photography, friends and family, I have been very sleep deprived but happy!  It's funny how you think you have far too much on your plate but somehow find time for more...

On that same subject, I have a new boyfriend. He is amazing. I really can not describe how this all happened. All I know is he is a gift from God. I have asked for a man that accepts me just as I am. One who tells me I am beautiful and looks me in the eye and I know he is telling me the truth. I have asked for a man who is open and honest and likes affection. A giver and a taker. I have only been seeing Dustin for around 2 weeks but thus far, he is all of these things and more. His passion for the Lord is overflowing which inspires and motivates me to reach higher. I had become lax in my motivation for reading my bible and praying and not only because of him but because I want to know for certain this is right, I have been praying and looking to God for guidance in a way I haven't in a LONG time. 

I feel God's hand on this and I can feel Him working in my life.  It has all happened so fast and all at once. I am starting back to nursing school in Jan. Dustin has swept me off my feet. I have an amazing group of friends I can whole heartedly say I would do anything for and trust that they would do the same for me. I have FINALLY started to lose some more weight.My sister has a new, great job and our relationship is growing again. 

So is it wrong that I am waiting for the ceiling to fall in? Last year was so hard. So much loss in our family and so much loss in my life. I feel like I am afraid to move sometimes in fear that something might shift just enough to make everything crumble.  It reminds me of when I was little and I would hear my mom yell at me to do something but I would sit as still and quietly as I could, hoping she would simply forget about what she had just yelled and move on to someone else. I feel like if I stay quiet and don't move too much, things will stay happy.

I am just trying not to dwell in that fear and enjoy what I have in front of me. I am trying to build my life in Christ and know that He is my strong foundation and if I am still and quiet and continue to follow the path He has laid out before me, I will be ok and someday that fear will disappear and I will accept that God has given me this amazing life to live in happiness and I no longer have to fear the storm.