Friday, February 26, 2010

I have to get this out...

So I kind of want to scream after the dream I just had... and since I am at work and can't do that I have to write this out really quick because it is really eating at me...

So I had a dream last night, actually early this AM and once again it had him in it. I have come to expect dreams involving him anytime I hear from him or see him. That isn't the part that was disturbing. This particular dream was more like a nightmare... I always thought him and I would have a baby. We would have had beautiful babies but that is besides the point.  In my dream I was in a hotel room, pregnant, and he was the father though we weren't together anymore. He was with Megan.  Why it had to be someone with my name I still don't know but he was with her and we both were pregnant.  Well, it turns out we were due around the same time and he chose to be with her.  Anyway, I was in this hotel room with my family when I went into labor and had this very tiny premature baby. When they handed her to me, (yes, I had a daughter) she was so tiny and scalding hot to the touch. The second they laid her in my arms she stopped crying and I felt every muscle in her body relax.. This dream felt REAL.. I named her Tessa. Anyway, I took a picture of her and sent it to him and got no response from him.

Well, in dreams time is never accurate, and I showed up at their door with Tessa (she was now walking), and he acted like I was a stranger and the world started to crumble, literally, and instead of being concerned with us all he cared about was Megan and her child and Jasmine...

WHAT THE HECK??? My mind is freaking irritating... Needless to say when I woke up I was confused and hurt again. I don't sit around and worry over him but apparently I have buried the hurt and feelings inside and they come out in dreams.

One good thing is that I have been thinking about baby names lately... NO I AM NOT PREGNANT... and I really like the name Tessa Leigh or Tessa Lynn... So one good thing out of that horrific dream was that I had a daughter and she was beautiful...

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