Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My Upside Down Life

Goodness what a week it has been and its only Tuesday. I never thought it would be this hard moving and starting a new chapter in my life. I feel like I am in a job that pays really well but I have a hole in my heart where Ryan and Jasmine are absent during the week. I knew it would be hard to be away from them but never thought how upside down it was going to turn my life. I am sad all the time. I am lucky my job is fairly easy because otherwise I would be in trouble. My evenings are spent alone in my room. I started my walks this week and next week I will begin my hard workouts but other than that the only thing that gets me through the day is knowing I will be back where I feel safe on the weekend. I am not supposed to talk about certain topics but all I can say is that its certainly not getting any easier to concentrate on my work being so distant. I feel like half of me is missing. I have suffered the loss of a relationship before but never felt this strange. I have never had to know things are meant to work and have them out of my reach to fix. I can't fix this and its killing me because I know I need this job to pay off my bills but on the other hand I need my family too. I need my support system and they aren't here. I am just sad and want this pain to stop. I am so homesick its ridiculous. Please keep praying for things to get better.

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