Uncertainty

I don't really know what to talk about today.. I have such mixed feelings about a lot of things right now. I don't like being single, but I know God is making this time for me so I can get my life in order. I gained all of the weight I had lost before my trip because of the stress of my Pappy passing and just being on vacation and indulging a little too much. I am back at square one. No big deal but I want it all to be gone now.

I also realized that I don't really like this online dating thing. I have tried it for about three months now and I just don't think its my thing. I like meeting new people but I feel like when we do meet in person it is too awkward and there are so many expectations for it to work as well as it did online and on the phone that when it doesn't it is a big let down. I think meeting in person as friends first and using email and instant message as a way of getting closer is what really works for me. Don't get me wrong, I have met some really amazing guys, I just prefer to be friends first in person.

I did reconnect with this really awesome guy that I met in middle school online. He lives really far away right now though. The crazy part about it is I know how great a relationship with him would be because we have talked throughout the years about how perfect we are for each other but the timing has never been right. I hope that in the future we might grow closer but that is for God to see. Until then, I guess I have to be patient and work on getting myself to where I want to be.

I really hate being alone but I know it is the way I should be right now. In relationships, I tend to forget about my needs and priorities and focus on him. So before I fall again, I need to work on my finances and my physical self.

I think that is enough babble for tonight...